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The "why I am miserable thread"

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  • edited February 2016
    I started taking non emergency calls at work and it is so nerve racking!
  • Apparently my current company loves me so much that they are willing to do nothing to get me to stay. By which I mean the actual people really want me to stay but the corporation dgaf. #firstworldproblems
  • Unfortunately, the people who don't see you as just a number are the ones that can't do anything about it :(.
  • Holy shit are my partners roommates some of the shittiest fucking assholes ever. First they were yelling at Kieve for washing the dishes too often and doing the dishes wrong. Then they told Kieve that I'm not allowed to be over without their permission. then they told us not to do their dishes, because we were still not doing them correctly, and as a consequence the little bit of counter-space that is in the kitchen is constantly full of a weeks worth of dirty dishes. We aren't allowed to wash them, and we can't fucking cook because there are so many of them and those bowls they used to eat ice cream back on Monday are starting to mold, yet it is Saturday at this point. The one time we do manage to make food, as soon as Kieve comes down stairs the next day, they start complaining that they didn't clean up enough and they have to start taking better care in the mess, this being said while behind them are all their moldy dishes.

    Then, yesterday morning we are in bed and one of them txts Kieve saying there is a roommate meeting that night. Kieve is sure they are going to bitch about something, but it ends up that they are moving out when the lease is up in May. We got excited and started talking about it. It is a nice place, and we could totally pick up the lease and split the $1600 between us and 2-3 other people. We would have a ton of space and out own studio area in the basement, it would be fantastic! So Kieve asks their roommates and they tell them "No. You aren't on the lease officially, and we don't want to bother putting you on it. Plus, were would you go for those 3 weeks we are moving out? No, we have enough help with the moving, we don't want yours'

    Kieve was devastated and broke down crying. I'm pissed. Those pieces of shit can go fuck themselves for all I care.
  • I always wonder what kind of relationships these people form with other human beings. Like, this is the user base that Tinder was built to attract?
  • So my new job, I love it, but right now I'm still in training. The issue is that they stuck me in alpha shift. I actually like the hours, 11pm-7am, but I'm not able to get any training! There are no calls during these hours. My trainer is trying to get me on a swing shift but the higher ups are telling her that it's illogical and that she gets paid the same as other trainer, so do her job.
  • Also thanks to a certain caller I now know how to wash the Pope
  • I'm not really sure how to handle being unemployed for the next week. Also I'm supposed to pack up all my shit tomorrow so I can move Sunday morning. #shouldhavestartedbeforenow
  • Kieve and I tried to reopen lines of communication between my Ex-parents and I. We invited them to breakfast with us. They responded 2 days later with "We are not interested at this time. Thank you for asking."
  • Things between my ex-family and I are officially over. It is highly unlikely we will ever talk again. I cried Sunday like I had never cried before. I called off of work Monday, thought I could make it through yesterday, but they sent me home after 2 hours due to me breaking down crying in the bathroom. I've never hurt this deeply before.
  • Was it because they blew off the breakfast invite, or did something else happen since then? It's definitely the right decision to make regardless, unless some day they have a change of heart.
  • Thank you for sharing this with us. I feel better knowing that you are still here, that you're willing to tell people your story, even though it's so hard for you. I'm not going to pretend I have anything to say that will make you feel better, but just remember that if you need to ask someone for anything, we're here.
  • Thank you so much, RB.
  • If you call 911 on speaker phone you are a terrible person
  • I pulled out my back trying to stop my nephew from killing himself by jumping backwards of the stairs. Then he spent the next hour angry at me.
  • http://www.daveandjoel.com/vanilla/discussion/comment/208432/#Comment_208432

    ...but it's physical so I gotta wait for them to mail it to me... :(
  • Medication side effects are the worst.
  • Last night I had a group of people start saying 'O fuck, you are not a woman, you are not a woman' when i walked by.
  • Listening to kids crying while their parents stab each other sucks
  • It is a frightening thing when reality no longer adheres to your perception of it. I find myself forced to laugh about these people, and I hate it, but to do otherwise is to invite too much sadness.
  • Sooo, my partner has been seeing someone for like, 2 months. Their new partner is super awesome and I've been really good friends since their first date. While things have slowly going down hill with them lately, things with me and their partner have been great. I've been working so hard to hook them up, but the other day they told me they want to break it off with my partner. We keep hanging out and their best friend says they want them to break up with my partner and date me. It has been a off week...
  • I'm sure that was a movie plot at some point.
  • We may have cuddled each other after my partner left for school...
  • And then made out.
  • Got to tell a lady that her husband killed himself... That was fun
  • Do they provide counseling services for you? (Or at least do something to acknowledge that your job is to regularly deal with awful stuff?)

    Even vicarious tragedy causes pain when you know it's an actual person.
  • Yeah, they do. PTSD is a serious concern for 911 operators, and while the sheriff's office acknowledges it, the state refuses to. So we miss out on some benefits that other psychologically risky professions have.
  • I want this asshole's life, for just one day, a life where he can actually get away with saying "dad, I know that you're gonna buy this house for asking price, in cash, and give it to me for free so that me and my wife and kid have a place to live, but I don't like the garage so I'm gonna say no".
  • Here's the news, giving instructions to control bleeding does not constitute that I am refusing to send an ambulance. The public is the worst. They don't want to touch another human being in need so clearly I'm the bad guy for wanting to give instructions.
  • edited May 2016
    Welcome to one of the top burnout professions gezzer. Glad you could make it, now get the eff out and use your degree.
  • edited May 2016
    I'll use my degree when I'm dead. But really, not a lot of options for a history degree around here, and if I did find one, it's not likely to pay as much or have the benefits. Not to mention, even though I'm there 8-12 hours, I'm really only working during maybe 2 hours of that on a busy night. The rest of the time being Pokemon.
  • edited May 2016
    I don't know if this is making me miserable, but I think you might need the pep talk. About a month ago I had to call 911 on myself twice for mental health issues. (I think I was having a genuine psychotic break.) It was the cops that came, I'm sure. They did a top-notch job with me, far as I can tell, and I don't mean that sarcastically. I remember the feeling of being cuffed, which I think must have been the best thing for me at the time. (Edit: here I confessed some crazy stuff I said while having a psychotic bread, including an admission at the time I thought I was having a psychotic break, but I don't think I need to put all that out there on the internet.) They took me to the ER for a day, and when I later went to the psychiatric hospital from there, it was also law enforcement that drove me.

    People like you, Getter, keep civilization running and do a lot of good for at least some of the people you deal with. Some of us--some of those you encounter in your work, even if we're crazy then--at least some of us appreciate it. And this is true even if not every incident ends well or not every person helped manages to keep things going well after that.

    As for me now, I've discharged from outpatient last Friday, and I'm having some serious anxiety issues starting in a major way just this last week. However, I have ways to deal and won't be relying on 911 soon like I needed to when I was delusion and really losing it. Now I've got a clonazepam prescription I can rely on, an anxiety-related therapist appointment on Monday, plus an ultra-supportive mother who can assist me, especially when I feel like I'm not good enough to drive myself. Still, there is undeniable misery in being in this anxiety-based state, though having that other stuff behind me would be good if I weren't going through this different stuff now. Confessing this sort of stuff seems beneficial to me, and that's what the I-am-miserable thread has to be for.
  • I'm glad you're doing better. :smile:
  • Thank you, I do appreciate that a lot, and I'm glad it worked out for you! It is easy to forget that you are getting people help that need it.

    It's a weird balance where you have to dehumanize these callers in order to get them the help they need. Empathy and sadness get turned into frustration because this little girl is crying too much to understand her when she's giving the address, why won't she shut up so I can do my job. But you also have to constantly be self aware or you'll become too callus.
  • My old high school, where I was in marching band, had a fire today and reports are that a lot of the band instruments were damaged.
  • My mental health is again on a downswing, or it already has been. Mostly anxiety I think, though maybe some depression even, a feeling of rottenness a lot of the time. The new prescription likely helped but was not a cure-all. I'm not in any danger zones you might name though. I think I'll probably need to try something different on pills, though that's just my own take on the situations; the doctors are ultimately in charge.
  • You should definitely tell your doctors that you aren't feeling well and you'd like to explore a change in medication. Not everyone uses the same medication, dosage, or dosing regimen (timed-release versus standard, for example). And their whole job is to get you feeling better, so it's not criticism or whining if you say "look, I just don't feel right with this stuff".

  • Yeah, listen to your body on how your medication makes you feel. It won't do you any good to just keep taking the same stuff if it isn't working.
  • edited May 2016
    I didn't just keep taking the same stuff. I did tell my doctors something was still wrong, and my meds are different now. Thanks for your encouragement (both of you) though. My mother and even therapist were pushing me in the same direction. I think I probably do have depression, which carries a sense of hopelessness with it. My psychiatrist is also hard to ultimately interact with because of how her practice works, but I've got my new pills now at least.
  • Good to hear!
  • edited May 2016
    My sister passed last night. It's hard for me to comprehend her not being here anymore.
  • My grandmother just passed. She had a heart attack the other day and she looked like she was getting better, but a little after getting taken from the ICU her heart stopped.
  • Oh geez, you guys. I'm sorry.
  • I'm so sorry, Getter.
  • Sorry to you too
  • My....partner?... And I keep going from being together, them dumping me, and is end up having sex again and getting back together.
  • That doesn't sound super healthy. :disappointed:
  • Not at all. We don't know what the fuck we are. No one knows.
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