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favorite quote of the week



  • I'm actually not sure which one this is from. I saw a motion text version of it on YouTube.

    Joel: "Did you kill him because he was black, or was it because he was a leper?" "Well, I thought he was a zombie." "So you killed him because you're retarded?" "Basically yes."
  • "Yes... I was right to mistrust babies."

    "It's real fantasy football, not like what you bitches do at your office."
  • Dave as the terrorist: I'm glad I had a whole bunch of sons. Because this one sucks ASS
  • From "Cookie Salad":
    "I'm the Pope during the Renaissance, I pull mad ass!"
  • 2/3/2010 - But I WAS in Young Guns

    Joel: "My rectal bleeding is COMPLETELY unrelated to the amount of Funions I consume."
  • September 14th, 2009 Should've Worn a Rubber!

    Dave: Man, Hell is a place, and it has lasers!
  • 1/23/2010 - THESE HANDS - (As Tony Almeda): "Ah... little Rene, growing up in Pennsylvania on the coal farm"
  • 2/10/10 Now you've got Space AIDS: "Well, I don't pee in my mouth... I just store it there."
  • 2/25/2010 - Oh My God, I’ve Been A Total Cock.
    "If you are within 15 feet of Jack Bauer, you are technically in the country of Jack Bauer." - Joel, on the mobile sovereignty of Jack Bauer
  • These Are The Perfect Muffins

    Joel: Thanks Kratos, you freaking asshole. Its dark all the time now!
  • Dave as Gerald: Heavy Rain was average
    Dave: Heavy Rain was NOT average
    Dave as Gerald: Well her tits made it average
    Dave: eehhhhhhhhhh ok
  • Oldie but a goodie.

    Show 65: Bootylicious: Part II

    (talking about the country of Mosk in Ergo Proxy)
    Joel: What is this Mosk, where is it? There's only really one city.
    Dave: I kinda just assumed it was the foreign country.
    Joel: There is no foreign country.
    Dave: There's something.
    Joel: There's those guys that live in trash outside like Jerry.
    Dave: I think that's just the Phillipines.

    When I heard that just now, I had to put my head on my desk, I couldn't stop laughing.
  • "Nobody has more torque than mom. Nobody."
  • From 3/13/10 'BUT, I CAN MOVE BOSS, I CAN MOVE'

    Dave: 'Cause when he seduces the "Old Lady Girlfriend" of the captain of the tennis team, he like takes her home, and he's like 'okay, we're going to have sex' and she's like 'You ruined my mood, I'm leaving' and then he goes 'But look at my Penis!'
    Joel: Yeah, with like a 'ta-da'
    Dave: Then she's like 'Oh, I guess I'll stay.'
  • From "Stay Away From EL PICCADILO":
    "Blizzard, in their excess, devoting an entire port to trees!"

    TCP/IP humor...
  • From Stay Away From EL PICCADILO
    Dave: No, Im sure it was the house of your dreams
    Joel: Well it wasn't a rocket ship so no.
  • 4/22/10 - "You're not so tough without your legs!"
    Dave: The system in this game (splinter cell: conviction) is, because I guess he feasts on the blood of his enemies, when you take a guy out in melee, you are given a token with which you can get one of those giant teddy bears at the carnival! Except it's actually murder. Instantaneous murder.
  • 06/05/10 - The Radiation is in My Balls: "Juan Carlos is so shocked he's speaking French!"

    Joel: Of course she gets kidnapped, because she's a woman.
    Dave: Well, you know how distracted you get when there's a vagina around. Imagine if there was one attached to you.
  • 9/10/10 - "Juvenile Form of the Torosaurus"

    Joel: I love it how science basically ruining my childhood. Pluto is not a planet, friggin, the triceratops never existed.
    Dave: Really?!
    Joel: Yeah! You didn't hear about that?
    Dave: No! I think that's Graziella's favorite dinosaur.
    Joel: Don't tell 'er.
    Dave: *proceeds to tell her*
    Graziella: WHAT?!
    Dave: She's very upset.
    Joel: *laughs* I just told you not to tell her!
  • I was very upset.
    Also I still maintain that they are real, and the Torosaurus is nothing more than the adult form of the Triceratops. Never the reverse. I will die first.
  • 10/11/16 Rainbow Sherbert

  • 11/16/10 Rainbow Sherbet:

    Dave: What do you call it when two large brutish men, like, get their balls out and wave 'em around?
  • High Definition Boobies - 03/21/07

    Dave: I make a lot of posts on the internet. Some of them are inflammatory.
    Joel: Maybe I shouldn't have ended with:"You're a retard, stop talking, I love Daryl Surat."
    Dave:"Take your nose out of you're dad's asshole for a second"...that might have been part of it.
  • Show #426: WHERE IS MY MONEY *K-KUHHH*

    Joel: All the AD Police Files stories have certain thematic elements...
    Dave: Yeah, "Leon" and "rape".
  • edited April 2011

    Joel: It's like Kid Icarus has faith that if he just keeps going up, eventually he will come to a place where there are no snakes.
  • "Are You Being Racist or is this a Vampire Thing?"

    Joel: He stealth-kills guys in really... exotic ways.
    Dave: What, like... with a banana?
  • "Tell 'Em Joel Sent Ya"

    Dave: Daryl Surat, special guest, arbiter of taste...
    Joel: That's not true at all.
    Daryl: ... I'm not a special guest.
    Dave: You're just a regular guest!
  • edited July 2016
    "Chainsaws Whenever I Want Them"

    Joel: I open up my shirt. Can't you read my shirt? It says, 'chainsaws whenever I want them.'
    Joel as guy: I didn't really understand what that meant. Also, your shirt was closed
  • Okay no more spamming...

    Zac (from one of the Gameshows): Wow, you're a video-game fan. What an awesome excuse to not have a personality.

    "I'm on that Rip Tip, Son"

    Joel: You are a joke I make up to make fun of you!

    Joel: It's like Kid Icarus has faith that if he just keeps going up, eventually he will come to a place where there are no snakes.

    This is still one of my all time favs.
  • I culled a bunch of quotes long ago for some kind of tribute video that never materialized, so I remember a lot of the Dave's doctor stuff, but can't attribute it:

    Dave: God, you ruined jelly donuts for me, Doctor. What happened to do no harm?

    Dave: I guess that's it from the doctor... the doctoring fields.

    Dave: Is it weird if I stack two cheeseburgers on top of each other?
    Dave as Doctor: Well, people are familiar with the double-cheeseburger...
    Dave: What if I do it for breakfast?
    Joel: And brunch and lunch?
  • I cannot complain about this type of spam.
  • From "Don't Look Directly at Pyramid Tank"

    Joel: "He's like, 'I'm hardcore.' It's like, you're not hardcore, Christopher Lambert, you're like 60."
  • Dave: Yeah, the actress is 33. Keifer Sutherland is like, 98

    (From Now Tony Almeida's Gotta Repopulate the Earth!)
  • Show #532: Oh~ It’s In My Whiskers Now.

    Joel: "I feel glad that God doesn't have YouTube. Like, he goes there and the first thing he sees is 'How It's Made: Chicks', and he's all 'oh I made chicks one timeWHAT THE FUCK--' "
  • "He Wants ALL the moonrocks?"

    JOEL: "You're gonna be like, 'no! my bones! I need those!'"

    Incidentally, I was just listening to this one (it's about Shadow Skills) and there is some quality Joel White rant up in that piece.
  • It's on my list of favorite episodes for a reason.
  • "You go back and try to play GoldenEye, which you thought was good when you were 13. Then you play Halo and are like, GoldenEye was always garbage."

    - Joel (We Use the Poop Method, Gary)

    This one sticks out to me because I lived it and it's real -- with no nostalgia for GoldenEye, it's pretty clear cut
  • Revengecast "Confession"

    Dave: Emily comes up to Jack, tries to socialize. She's not very good at it. "You off the clock?" "ARE YOU? You're never off the clock. Youre revenging right now, I can tell."
    Graz: "You're a revenger."

    Wholly captured the spirit of the dialogue in Revenge
  • Revengecast S03E03

    Dave: "I feel that we should always respect giant women because the alternative could be catastrophic."

    Graz: "Who gives a shit about lizards, we're talking about fake giant people!"
  • "Show #534: You Need To Increase Your Surface Area."

    Dave: "Manga is like...this guy had an idea? And he started on day 1? And then three hundred chapters later he's like, 'nah'."
  • edited December 2016
    Show #41: I Really Should’ve Edited This

    Joel: "You already made that joke!"
    Dave: "Yeah, but it's just as good the second time around!"
    Show notes: "No its not."

    Ah, back in the days of annotated show notes...
  • Show #535: You’re Just Gonna Have To KILL Me Yuki-Onna

    "You shouldn't abuse a dead body, Dave."
    "I dunno... Maybe you should!"
  • Its not a quote really but on my way tk work I was scrolling down the podcast feed to listen to random episodes and I saw the title "YOU GOTTA MOVE" and suddenly all the 21 foot rules jokes came flooding back and I just started cracking up in the middle of the sidewalk.
  • "Those Galaxy games were full of stars."
    - Dr. Graziella Bowman, 2001: A Space Odyssey
  • Listening to another rando episode, this time: "Back in the Closet Joelquito!"

    Dave is talking about almost getting into an altercation with a guy sitting in front of him on the train, who was like "I don't want to start nothing, but your knee was in my back the whole ride." Dave's like "Oh, you should've told me. You didn't have to suffer in silence."

    Joel: "I'm glad you feel martyred by this, though. That's good."
  • "She's gonna get the bagel lung."
    - Dave (Revengecast, Dissolution)
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