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favorite quote of the week

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  • TELL ME WHERE MARWAN IS!

    MitchyD lives in a hollowed out yak carcass... etc.
  • (Not in my Space Jurisdiction:)

    "I'M SORRY SENGOKU DID I COCK-BLOCK YOU AGAIN? MY BAD"

    Also, the whole part with the robot saying "I have no orifices" and then "that's what they all say when they first get to Space Prison" is genius.
  • -dave- It was like being hit in the face by a wet dick
  • 11/01/08 All Trails Lead To Techno-Dwarf

    Joel: She's twice the man Benten is, and wearing half the pants!
  • I went back and listened to "I'm looking to sex it up" and stumbled upon this gem.

    Joel: It's got rape!
    Dave: But it's culturally contextual rape.

    From the same show.

    Dave: The guy who made made lesbian-amputee sex popular.
    Joel: ......Or he actually just made lesbian-amputee sex.
  • 1/05/08 "This has POISON in it"

    Joel: Chocolate is not a meal, no matter how much of it you eat.
  • 11/08/08 - We Have Air Guitar Superiority

    Dave: I know it's sort of a stretch to go from doldo to dildo but I just figured, if you're gonna name your cult you could pick something that......had less than one letter off from a sex toy.
  • from ARGH I'M BEING SHOT BY BULLETS:

    "Boxing Kangaroos aren't born, they're made"
  • 12/06/08 "And then it's all Nuclear Holocaust"

    Joel: It seems to me that when I got out of bed in the morning, cable cutters would not be the first piece of equipment I went for.
    Dave: Yeah; why not carry around the thing that locks people in an impenetrable field of ice? 'cause that seems to work pretty good!
  • I've been going through the archive again -- starting with 1, going up -- and the Halloween 06 episode is amazing.

    Dave: [re: Ju-on] I love the part where the ghost is in the room and it raises the sheets... and it looks like she's getting a boner.

    Joel: What's happening to me? My voice is lowering! I've got hair in strange places. [pause] Suddenly I have self respect.
  • I re-listened to that one around halloween, that was a great episode.
  • It's probably my favorite. The Andrew story still makes me bust in to hysterical laughter.
  • Yeah, I suspect it's infinitely re-laughable
  • I listened to that episode while playing Resident Evil 2 the other day. It is also one of my favorites, especially the cereal part.
  • 12/14/2008: I’m Not Gonna Let Him Eat Me ALL THE WAY

    "This isn't a biological imperative. He's sentient and he's just a dick."
  • 01/03/09 "We name him Hanabi..."

    Joel: Maybe he explodes your head just by putting some horrible thought in your mind. Like, "your mom had sex!" "WHOOOOOAAHH!! pah-KEESSSSHH!"
  • I'm scared someone posted this up already, but don't have time to go back and check:

    From "This has POISON in it"


    Dave: The playstation is a media hub, you can put photos on it, so I gotta imagine that somehow, you can get the photos on your playstation, into the game. In which case PENISES!
  • 09/01/28 - This, I Will Abide

    Joel as Tony: We killed alot of people today...I mean, like ALOT
  • #28: Shin Getter Robo (1998):

    The episode that brought us the Grand Devil Fortinbras and Dave and Joel's Sexy 70's Street Cop show intro.
  • 02/18/09 "Damn You,Korean Grocer!"

    Joel: Sometimes babies just cry, because babies are kind of jerks.
  • I've been making lists in like every post I make everywhere tonight, so these are the two Fast Karate quotes that get me through the night at work (extremely out of context):

    Number two: "Megaman and Gundam are both good guys, but they can never get along, because Megaman is a good student and Gundam is not"

    Number one: "And there will be horses. Anthropomorphic horses. AND EVERYONE GETS MILKED!"

    After a bit of googling, I finally saw the Shirow horse milking picture, and I will never be the same. Thank you, Dave and Joel.
  • 3/25/09 "FIRST GENTLEMAN ANGRY"
    "Hand me a kitten! I need to make a diamond!"
  • I wish I had more occasion to use Joel's "I would be like, 'bitch, your head just blew up.'" on people who be frontin'.
  • Why is Conor crying?

    EDIT

    Joel: I'M CRUSHING YOUR PHANTOM
  • Dave: They told me there would be unlimited snickers.
  • Dave as Kojima: "FUCK THAT!"
    It was the way he said it
  • 04/15/09 - This Is So Gay

    Joel: Two birds with one stone, except this time one bird lives.
  • I went back and listened to 01/03/09 We name him Hanabi. He gon bro up!
    Dave: Why do you need to strap the bomb to the baby? Why couldn't you just throw the bomb?
    Joel: He my son, he riv with honor!
    I couldn't stop laughing after i pictured someone throwing a baby bomb. NOW WE BOTH ONLY have ah six guys
  • 04/18/09 - He's Running On A Pro-Zombification Platform

    Joel: There's probably also a liquor store. You could just like hoze em down and set them on fire.....and get trashed at the same time.
  • "Sony_CEO" said:

    Joel: I'M CRUSHING YOUR PHANTOM
    The best part about that joke is that it took a minute to hit you. You could hear it Dave too, like he didn't laugh at first, and then it sunk in and he was rolling. Thats why I love Joel. His humor is witty and subtle. <img class=" title="In Love" />
  • "PeteSoFresh" said:
    I went back and listened to 01/03/09 We name him Hanabi. He gon bro up!
    Dave: Why do you need to strap the bomb to the baby? Why couldn't you just throw the bomb?
    Joel: He my son, he riv with honor!
    I couldn't stop laughing after i pictured someone throwing a baby bomb. NOW WE BOTH ONLY have ah six guys
    I was listening to this on my iPod in the laundrette and burst out laughing for 5 minutes solid, the other people around me gave me funny looks :oops:
  • Best quote ever was "Aw, I just got hit with this mace...and now its MAULING me!"
  • From MACHIATTO:

    Dave: It's like going Super Seiyan, except you die. :goku:
  • "Zekarus" said:
    Best quote ever was "Aw, I just got hit with this mace...and now its MAULING me!"
    this is true,

    I remember Joel talking about the polish having a soldier bear (voytek) and loading him into a catapult.

    Bear + catapult = End of WW2 or at least the western front.
  • 05/30/09 "Clumsy Ninja..."

    Joel: "Ninja assassins? Gary, that's your excuse for everything."
  • 6/9/07 TERRIBRE POWA

    Dave: "Someone's gonna try and come up to me on the subway and give me a surprise vasectomy? I'm just gonna be like, BAM! STAY AWAY FROM MY BALLS, SON!"
  • 03/25/09 - FIRST GENTLEMAN ANGRY!!

    On a Resident Evil invisible enemies FAQ
    Dave: If you don't move like a little bitch, the enemy is probably here, but if you are a little bitch you're already eaten. Stop playing this fucking game, bitch.
  • I can't believe nobody has referenced the SF2 episode, it's the one episode that I make people hear to get them into the show.
    Too lazy to get actual quotes but the whole bit about training Blanka to attack people with bananas and the multiple choice test about what to do when a truck is coming straight at you.

    Somebody find these and post them
  • Internet, Don't Steal This Idea

    (talking about shinto sorcery being all rock, paper, scissors

    Joel : That's why they're always doing those hands symbols, like the circle is rock, the pointy fingers are scissors..
    Dave: Yeah pointy fingers in the air...
    Joel : It all makes perfect sense to me now.
    Dave: What does it mean when you shoot an arrow at the bad guy and that same arrow gets teleported into your body and comes out your back?
    Joel : Shoulda' thrown a rock.

    (Same episode)

    Joel: Mike Reynolds, in his seminal role as the most ancient priest Hurai, who is constantly surrounded by what amount to Shinto Away Teams....

    Again, same episode

    Joel: If crab nurse spits acid on me, and the I look down and the weapon I have in my hand, is a Bo Staff? I'm punching my way out of the paper walls.
  • 08/26/09 - "Dude", The Musical

    Dave: I mostly want to do things that are fun.........and being politically active isn't really fun
    Joel: It can be..once the riots start
  • 09/05/09 "Whorin'...."

    Dave: They'll rip the VR mask away from my dead face and be like, "why is he smiling?", and then they'll take off my VR pants and find out. "Oh God, somebody get a hose, he's gonna flood the chamber!"
  • 09/05/09 "Whorin'...."

    Joel: "We're totally fighting the dragon.... or somebody spiked the weed!"
  • 10/03/09 "Lift This Fridge Up..."

    Dave: I mean, forget about that poor Arab dude whose body was teleported to 37 different dimensions at once; they killed a dog!

    Joel: And they took his butt, too. That's like a dog's favorite part!
  • 10/11/09 "Chi is a Savage Wind"

    Joel: "Is it an aero-plane? Nope. Is it a tank? Nope. Are you sure it's not a battleship? Nope."

    And not 5 seconds later

    Joel: "Johnson, can you fly? 'Uh, no sir!' Damn it, Johnson!"
  • 11/11/09 - Later, Earth!

    Dave: One of the weapons in this game is a tentacle-rape generator...

    Joel: The robots probably assumed they were immune to tentacle-rape. That's where they were wrong.
  • 11/16/09 - I'M NOT GOIN BACK

    Dave: ...seems like maybe that was just a load bearing wire. They were like, 'You walked over that wire? What are you doing? Now we don't have a second floor!'
  • 03/31/07 - I Hope My Mom Doesn't Listen (Agent Aika)

    Joel: "I've gotta tell ya, I've had sex, and I'd rather die in ragu."
    Dave: "I've gotta tell ya...put those hands together!"
  • 11/28/09: "Hey, Tiger, What's Up?"

    Joel: The guy's like, "you can find Heaven or Hell on this earth, and tonight I'm gonna show you both," and I'm like "he's gonna put it in her butt?"
  • "12/21/06 - So Ronery - "So, I...I guess System Shock 2 is like, the girl who would take her shirt off if her other friends weren't around to stop her? You, you kinda, you see what I'm getting at here." (Dave, 22 Minutes)

    Browsing through old episodes to find my favorite games reviewed by Dave & Joel? Priceless.
  • 12/23/09 "Don't let 'em take my feet!"

    Dave: "We'll just play in 480i, like savages..."


    12/26/09 "The Butling Of YOU"

    Dave: "My ghost girlfriend just told me it was okay to bang you."
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