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favorite quote of the week

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  • "Joel White, not a zombie healthy diet."
  • "I do what I want"

    Dave: He doesn't even have any good attacks! Well, except for the one that kills you in one hit.
    Joel: Yeah, that one's annoying.
  • I need to stop listening to reruns.

    First Space Muslim Criminal Assassin, 18:10

    Joel: I'm definitely not going to go out of my way to get the rest of this show, just because it's drama in anime, and the only drama I want in my anime is-
    Dave: Samurai X? "You made the rain bleed... but oh shit, there's a ninja!"
    Joel: Exactly!
  • "dont act like we dont know anything about cartoons that we dont purposefully not want to know"
  • Joel Counts to Three 7/22/2006

    Dave:Yasyone Umetsu's(?) like..."After I direct this, I'll direct the greatest animated feature ever known...KITE!"
  • 04-01-06 - Kore Wa DEMON MUSCLE Desu ka?!

    Joel:...I kinda feel like Jas-
    Dave: I kinda feel like shut up
  • (all shows)

    DAVE: (says something incorrect)
    JOEL: (corrects Dave)
    DAVE: "Well, Joel, that's just what they want you to think!"
  • edited May 2008
    "Now I Have A Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho"

    DAVE: "I'd be willing to sacrifice my heterosexual identity if I could really, deeply bond over 'Die Hard'."
  • "He Wants ALL the moonrocks?"

    JOEL: "You're gonna be like, 'no! my bones! I need those!'"
  • "Like Two Baby Eggs"

    Dave: This is the greatest show in the history of the universe! Because it has everything you like: Chinese mythology and big ol' titties!"
  • 02/04/06 - The Ultimate in Segue Technology

    Dave: Yea, they(other podcast) played it, and they were like "Yea, going to this guy's party" and I was like......You're not the cool cousin! I'm the cool cousin! You're the fat cousin!!

    From another episode

    Dave to a subscriber: I have painted many fine tapestries in my day, each more fine than the last, and I belive you Sir should take an art class! Also, I did your Mom.
  • Here's one from the latest episode that had me laughing.

    Dave: If Hilary Clinton would reveal that she was a Werewolf then 1. Werewolves are real so you're like......freakin' sweet. and 2. That means stuff like Vampires are probably also real, so who's gonna protect us from the werewolves.
  • 10/28/06 - Whoever Wins, We Lose

    Dave - "It's like Chicken Soup for the soul........except the chicken soup is crap.........and your soul is crap.
  • Also, I think my favorite line in recent memory is "I just think it's bullshit that the vampires are hoarding all the spaceships."
  • 07/22/07 - If You Kill Their Boss, They Will Have SEX With You

    Joel - It was hot, and the sun was shining, SO I SHOT HIM!
    Dave - Cuz I hate fuckin' Arabs!
  • But I Believe in Plan Hug!

    Joel: This got really gay, really fast.
    Dave: I'm sorry, but that's the route I walk down. And now we've made our bed, let's sleep in it...together....with your skin wrapped around me.


    Here Comes the Hug Monster!

    Joel: When you joined the self defense forces and your name was Claymore, uh, I think that bullet had your name on it..so to speak. That's like being named, oh, I dunno, Stabbed. It's like " Hey, it's Jimmy Stabbed! Did you hear about what happened to Jimmy Stabbed? Yeah"
    Dave: "He got shot."
    Joel: "He got shot." No "Jimmy Stabbed? Oh, I never thought he would go like that. I always figure him for a car accident or something. He was always...driving..fast.."

    Joel: "Did anybody grease the suit down? There's no way we're going to get him out of there in one piece. We should've sprayed this thing with..
    Joel & Dave : "..Pam.."
    Joel : "This is disgusting" "Well to be fair, Sir, we only bake chicken in it every once in a while and we weren't really expecting him to get turned into...chicken.."

    Also, after listening to several archived podcasts I still can not seem to find which one has the quote, but it goes something like this.

    Joel: "A car door! My one weakness!"
  • "Assistant Associate Director Of Sales"

    Dave: She said it was one of the prettiest things she had ever seen, and I said "Clearly you have not seen chicken pot pie!"
  • edited March 2008
    "Strong Physical Attacks"

    Joel: "Maybe I am crazy, and that explains why I'm just about to punch you." "What?" "WHAM! Take off your Bluetooth headset."

    Dave: You go up to the guy and he's like "hey, I lost a book, I lost it in this cave, can you go get it back for me--"
    Joel: "Not until I MURDER YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS TOWN!"
    Dave: ...I guess I never played that version.
  • "Being a Vampire ..."

    Dave: ...And thus a new word shall be created, and that word is intertainment. The combination of internet and entertainment.

    Joel: Really... nice... 'cause I was gonna go with spihgegobelah.
  • edited March 2008
    03/05/2008 - You Russians Are Stupid

    Dave: I love how noble the Yakuza are. They're like this breed of Elk that are so beautiful to observe and so peaceful and honorable.

    Joel: Look at the Majestic Elk, as it racqueteers its way to a fortune

    Dave: As it beats up a convience store owner for protection money.

    Joel: There's an Elk standing in the middle of the road; another one wanders up to your car:

    "I'd hate to see that Elk run into your car."

    "What are you taking about?"

    He rips off your side-view mirror.

    "OH MY GOSH, TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

    "We want all the peanut butter...give it to us."

    Dave: "Give us three jars at the beginning of every month. We'll stop all the other Elk from messing with you.

    Joel: They keep uping it.

    Dave: "But seriously, I don't even make that much Peanut Butter in a month."

    Joel: "Well that's too bad, there's alot of new Elk in the area. We gotta control our territory."

    Dave: "We're spending all our time on the streets keeping you safe."
  • 03/08/08 - We Have To Get To The Moonbase

    Dave: Ok. Re-clap. De-clap. Up-clap, down-clap. All-around-town-clap.
  • The Retort

    Dave: I wanna be a guy who transforms into a bear! Actually, that's my real-life fantasy, but it transitions into WoW pretty easily.

    Dave: ...and the hooker's like, "I swear to God, if you put another Oreo down my pants..."
  • 3/26/08 Bees Are Suicide Bombers

    Dave: Don't you know that you're my Canadian wage ape?
  • 08/03/02 Well Technically...

    Dave: "What percentage of my grade is this test?" "The percentage is 'if you pass the test, you live.' "
  • 08/04 "Bust A Deal..."

    Joel: I had this dream once where we were real popular...

    Dave: I'm glad we didn't go with the original joke, where we'd say that Graziela was pregnant...
    Graziela: (in the background) WHAT?!
  • 08/04/23 "BEEEE BEEEE (etc)"

    Joel: "At first I don't respond at all, because I'm dead. But then you prop up my corpse and put the game in front of me, and my head falls off."
  • "RobotBastard" said:
    08/04 "Bust A Deal..."

    Joel: I had this dream once where we were real popular...

    Dave: I'm glad we didn't go with the original joke, where we'd say that Graziela was pregnant...
    Graziela: (in the background) WHAT?!
    How many times do i have to tell dave...NEVER A FUNNY JOKE!!!
    its right up there with jokes about claw hands and mermaid babies, except those are funny...now jokes about being pregnant with a claw handed mermaid baby, probably straddle the line.
  • That was a quote from the time he said it....... question mark?
  • "grumps" said:
    [quote="RobotBastard"]08/04 "Bust A Deal..."

    Joel: I had this dream once where we were real popular...

    Dave: I'm glad we didn't go with the original joke, where we'd say that Graziela was pregnant...
    Graziela: (in the background) WHAT?!
    How many times do i have to tell dave...NEVER A FUNNY JOKE!!!
    [/quote]
    "Knock Up" was funny :roll:
  • 04/30/08 Panda Banana:

    Joel: What percentage of my body is nickel? Because he's going to eliminate the other percent...
  • 08/05/07 Horse Master of Horses

    Joel: It's like watching monkeys fighting over dominance.
    Dave: Except less amusing, because...no monkeys.
  • Also 05/07/08 - Horse Master and the Master of Horses
    Joel: You mean you don't like Wave Race? The water is so like... water!
  • That was in the running for the title of the episode. :o
  • "chronocross_xp" said:
    [quote="grumps"][quote="RobotBastard"]08/04 "Bust A Deal..."

    Joel: I had this dream once where we were real popular...

    Dave: I'm glad we didn't go with the original joke, where we'd say that Graziela was pregnant...
    Graziela: (in the background) WHAT?!
    How many times do i have to tell dave...NEVER A FUNNY JOKE!!!
    [/quote]
    "Knock Up" was funny :roll:[/quote]

    It lacked the rapier wit of Junior
  • 05/07/08 - Horse Master and the Master of Horses
    Dave: I want to be the support. I want to make you shine.
    Joel: Maybe that's why we always end up in wiring closets.
    Dave: Yea, we're definitely the backs that other people step on.

    This is probably my fate since I'm working for my A+ and other certifications. Although I sort of feel the same way about my job. As long as I can eat, play video games, drink, and have shelter I don't care to much about advancement... Another world beater!
  • 5/31/08 "Everybody Picks Monkey"

    Joel: Cowboy Bebop; Landing on the Moon; about the same level of human achievement.
  • That was an amazing one, but "Pentagonal Monkey Shackle" will forever be #1.
  • 06/14/08 "Tell My Wife I Love Her"

    Dave: She'll be like, "did you bring the dishes down", and I'll be like "I forgot", and she's like "why", and I'm like "do you blame the bumblebee for stinging you?", and she's like "yes. now go get the dishes!"
  • 06/11/08 - Giant, And Shaman

    dave in regards to an ocelot revolver: "... the only problem would be it would take Furever to reload."
  • This one's goin way back but still..

    09/16/06 - But Seriously, You Still Gotta Die
    Gunslinger Girls

    Dave: My constant worry is that this show...is made by like....a 6 year-old cancer survivor little girl.
    Joel: so when I show up with a can of gasoline and a lighter..
    Dave: This is awkward..
    Joel: Well.....lets hope the bed burns hotter
    Dave: Shoulda done my research..
  • 07/23/08 Quick, Get The Water!

    Joel: "Oh my gosh, he's making a sandwich right now! And he just cut off that ninja's head! And he's making a sandwich...out of the head..."
  • They Never Missed A Show! Ever!
    "Joel" said:
    Cleaning ninja teams! Spill in aisle 5!
  • 07/30/08 They Never Missed A Show!

    Dave: I never even beat the first episode! And there was a second episode, and a fourth episode! ...and I guess technically there was a third episode.
  • 08/06/08 - Oh, I Am SO Sorry

    "Game over.......they crammed all that graham." -Dave-
  • We're smart to guys!

    Joel: That wouldn't work unless he was on roller skates, but even then.
    Dave: also screen door submarine
    -----
    Joel: They could nuke one of our city and stab somebody
    -----
    Dave: I have a PHD in being awesome
    ----
    Dave: Dinosaurs have their own religion its called kicking ass and being awsome all the time forever
  • 9/20/08 But I Have To Build The Shotgun Cake!

    Dave: "Shouldn't have brought a suit of power armor to a robot fight."
  • "thats what you get for bringing a broken phaser to a batleth fight"
    --Dave (to my roomate while watching ds9, which made it all the more funny because he wasnt as familiar with the convention, so his hilarity was my hilarity)
  • 9/27/08 That's Prophylactic

    Dave: (discussing sex with a mermaid) Those parts aren't necessarily compatible...I mean, I don't know a lot about mermaid anatomy, I know like some...
    Joel: Well, we know what parts you need to stay away from. Mainly the eat-y parts.
  • Joel:"Did you kill him because he was black or because he was a leper? Well I thought he was a zombie. So killed him because your retarted? Basically yes."
  • LOLDecapitated bodies.
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