Revengecast S02E14 – SACRIFICE

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Listen Up!

Watch out everyone because in this sterling episode of Revenge, things are really heating up! And I’m not just talking about the weather (though the unseasonably hot weather is such an essential plot point of this episode that it’s bordering on that annoying thing where people say “Los Angeles is like its own character in this movie, man), but the things that are happening while the weather is hot are also very hot in a metaphorical sense! As the scene opens, we find Helen Crowley dead in our pool house! What do we do! Somehow I was SO sure that they changed into their Super Taupe Tones body disposal outfits the night of the murder but actually those were their NEXT DAY AFTER MURDER outfits, which does make more sense. Nothing screams innocence like beige, obviously.

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the ocean, Jamanda’s first morning of unrestrained wedded bliss is interrupted by a Very Sneaky Hamper Man, name of Anders vonPyramidPlayer. In a trial that would test even the strongest of marriages, Anders deploys his “Grossly Misinterpret Conrad’s Intent” stratagem and holds the newly wedded Clarke-Porters hostage in search of the evidence. But as it turns out, Anders learned all his tactics from an old copy of Stratego, so while he’s trying to figure out if Jack and Amanda “surrounded their flag with bombs, or if that’s just another bomb in the middle, and what if it’s actually in the front row with all the pawns, nobody ever expects you to put it in the front row???” Jack proves he has a knack (or is that a “jack”???) for subterfuge after all, and Amanda’s eyes are drawing a Looney Toons-style dotted line between that fire extinguisher and the back of Anders’s head.

Back on the mainland, though, it is still hot! And you know it’s hot because everyone SAYS it is, including Nolan who has a FAN and AW MAN THE AIR CONDITIONER BROKE and if we weren’t before, we’re definitely going to kill the Baby Coral now, Chocolate! BUT LOOK WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS PODCAST BECAUSE WE ARE VERY HUNGRY SO MOVE MOVE MOVE. Emily and Nolan are on a boat! Aiden drags Padma all the way to NYC to tell her something he basically could’ve texted her, and jeezy creezy thank god they skip that car trip and save us the torment. Like what would their road trip conversations even be about? What the hell would the two blandest people on the planet talk about for two hours? “Omg, can you believe we’re both love Saltines and the Dave Matthews Band??” Yes Padmaiden, I can.

Back on the ocean, time is running out! Emily is moving the throttle forward and Nolan is boat hacking (and doing a very good job at not throwing up!) As the episode hastens to a close, we meet the inscrutable TRASK and, what’s more, discover TRASK HAS A TASK (and that task is to find out what has happened to Helen Crowley). Perhaps more pertinently, we’re given incontrovertible evidence that Emily in fact does have a feeling, it just took her eight years to express it!! (and now Taye Diggs is after her, shit!)

As this Very Important Episode of Revenge comes to a close, resolves are tested, hearts are broken, and wills are reforged into something colder than iron and harder than steel–but the next time your number comes up on that big, karmic wheel, Fauxmanda, maybe just let the necklace go…?

Topics for Consideration:

Gantz: The Suffering of Ealstan
Stinky Boat Bed
THE NECTAHS: Curse of the WereSouthie
Ashley and Her Sizable Bag of Tricks of Many Pockets.
Conrad Grayson: Road Warrior
The Food Pon Farr
Jackting!
LMS or “Lobster Monger Syndrome”
The Adventures of “Blunt Trauma” One and “No Feelings” One, an Emily and/or Emily Amanda and/or Amanda story.

Target Status:

revanched

Revengecast S02E13 – UNION

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Listen Up!

Let’s talk about unions! Despite their vulnerability to venality, I think we have to acknowledge that unions are one of the exceptionally few forces the American worker has acting in their favor in this hardscrabble economy, for example—

Oh wait, we’re not talking about those unions. We’re talking about the ones where you get married on a beach to a woman who you’ve been deceived into believing is your long-lost childhood crush (and at this point, she appears to have started believing the hype), or where you coldblooded X-out a mean business lady/ancient lich of timeless evil who’s menacing your beautiful baby boykin, or where you visit the unmarked grave of your dead sister who was kidnapped and addicted to heroin and is definitely for real dead now, okay Aiden? Can we like go home already? Because I am not spending the night in Jersey-FUCKING-City, I don’t care if they finally got a Barcade!

With treachery in the air and the stakes soaring ever higher in this already fraught world of beachfront marriages and waterside casino development, Nolan exhibits a seriously déclassé attitude by outdressing everyone at Jamanda’s wedding, Danny relives his college days by taking a surreptitious nap during Helen Crowley’s Capitalist Imperialism & Forbidden Blood Magicks 101 seminar, Conrad discovers viagra’s got nothing on the veritable priapism induced by some all-natural wheeling and dealing, Anders sits alone on a boat wondering what Starbuck is doing and why she’s so great (aren’t we all?), Victoria recoups her losses from Ashley’s ongoing Game of Burns by delivering a severe dose of lead poisoning, Padma keeps being whatever, and Aiden makes some of his squintiest faces we’ve ever been privileged to as he demands you RUN THE PROGRAM RUN THE PROGRAM RUN THE PROGRAM. All this and more on this thrilling (comparatively! considering it’s set right in the middle of bland-ass Season 2!) episode of Revenge!

-Dave

The movie I was trying to think of was Blow Up (1966), but I also completely mooshed the plot together with Peeping Tom (1960). Blow Up as we all know from film school is by Antonioni and is a dialogue with and rejection of (neo)realism and the notion that a filmed image is an unmediated representation of empirical reality. Thanks to his sister’s horrifying death Aiden is getting an education in viz studies! Next hes gonna be all like GUYS do you even KNOW about the panopticon? 

TRIMPS!

-Graz

Topics for Consideration:

#OniConrad
Nolan is the janus figure/ sexual mercurial angel of sexuality –
Amanda “Oops-Upside-Your-Head” Clarke
Vincent Denofrio-Vaughn
THE SCULLY BOX
The Titular Blank Check
Baby Carl’s Adventures with Aunty Chorcolate and the Elf: The Time I Got Rubbed On Some Cow Udders: A Tale of How I Contracted Mumps.
Our upcoming Hamptons Research Project, testing the plushness of the terrycloth robes and getting arrested for trespassing–please look forward to it!

Target Status:

revanched

Show #527: Bury Me With My Reeses Pieces

Download the Show: (right click, save as)

This show also known as: He Has Manga, Perfidious Japanese Cartoons!

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After a solid twelve minutes of your favorite Fast Karate Classics (food talk, IT misdeed, incriminating stories of reading manga on public transit), we finally get down to the heart of the matter and discuss the space ship boardgame-videogame of slim margins and marginally effective crew members, Tharsis, for a shocking amount of actual real-life time without going on a tangent! As we clear through that, board game mentions of Space Alert and Arkham Horror, Gigantic Nintendo Miis, and some other dumb stuff, we wind things down with a gentle return to our flame, our espirit, our muse: jokes about Edgar from 24.

Housekeeping: We haven’t gotten around to questioncast yet (break was busy, and now Graz is sick!) but the upside is: if you’re still looking to get in, you got time! Send your questions to questions@bossdoors.tv and we’ll see about recording that pilot episode sometime… at some point… maybe! Feel free to send in whatever you like, and cite if you want to be anonymous or not, I guess!

Audio Quality Status: Sorry my steam heater kicks on somewhere in the beginning and I don’t notice to turn it off for a few minutes. :(

Music Selection: Let This Song Be Testament To My Failure.

This show is about:

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What do you mean you took the elevator on turn three, explain yourself Commander Geordi???